Comments (127)

bobloblaw10 - 07 Dec, 2023 - 06:05PM

@LadyDe it's always been a mutual "oh shit, feelings have appeared" on both sides for me. I'm sure some people can but I can't separate sex etc from feelings. Sometimes wish I could!

I've learned to accept that sometimes feelings happen and it makes it extra painful when it ends, but am grateful for the memories.

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marklondonengland - 07 Dec, 2023 - 05:06PM

This is a common issue and is all about communication and defining your expectations. Some people are simply looking for sex, so they will probably be meeting many different partners. In contrast, some may fall for an IE and want to switch it into a serious relationship. This happened to me and we had to end the relationship completely because our expectations were so far apart then. I think the only way you can go into an IE relationship is with your eyes open and after directly talking about this subject. It's OK if you want to have multiple partners, but be open that you are doing it, otherwise you are not just cheating your partner, but also the IE who thinks that you are building a long-lasting affair.

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LadyDe - 07 Dec, 2023 - 04:36PM

Wow isn’t this interesting to see both sides of this debate … the women appear to be more chilled and know what the rules are. The men on the other hand think that yes there is an element of love, emotion or falling for slightly.

So the question to the men

Is that because you think as females we do fall for you ?
Or
As males do you fall for us and maybe more vulnerable ?

Letters on a postcard pls or phone a friend

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bobloblaw10 - 07 Dec, 2023 - 01:19PM

I think it's almost impossible not to, if you're seeing one person and they're meeting those needs. You can be rational at the start but in my experience it either fizzles out or gets much more intense and when it (inevitably) ends.. ouch.

Still worth it though.

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ExoticOrchid - 07 Dec, 2023 - 12:56PM

LadyDe/Dotty Green

Couldn't agree more with both your comments.

I'm an adult and I will act like a reasonable adult ... I am not obsessed with nor am I obsessive about any IE even though I'm a much maligned "single" here!

Yes of course there are feelings involved but I know the limits of an IE liaison. At the end of the day, I need to look after my own emotional well being.

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RedNovember - 07 Dec, 2023 - 12:32PM

It strikes me that there is a whole lot more satisfaction, of various kinds, to be gained from being in an exclusive illicit relationship with someone. For me, and many on IE from reading profiles, the need to be even involved in illicit affairs stems from something missing at home. Often that's just sex. Sometimes it's intimacy. Sometimes it's just having someone care. But the opportunity to achieve the objective, is far greater when one commits something of themselves to it.
I was on IE sometime ago. I am recently back, and I have noticed a significant change. There are many more female profiles overtly focussed on great sex or sometimes kinky sex. On the one hand all this shows is that the pretence has been lifted, and there is certainly no judgement from me on that. On the other hand it does make me stop and think..... will this be a ONS? A shag and go? Which is not my desire. The connection and illicit bond; the....oops gone on too much! Out of letters x

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ClassyLady77 - 07 Dec, 2023 - 11:57AM

Ive had a 3 year affair and we were just friends.. we knew the score..

I only open my heat to someone who opens theirs first… 🤔

1529050 - 07 Dec, 2023 - 11:42AM

LadyDe - 07 Dec, 2023 - 09:45AM

Wise words, I have always maintained each affair has a certain longevity and will end at some point.

Of course we have feelings for our lover - but for me I do not cross that line into love and obsession. I have done in the past, and been so very hurt. For me my lover is a distraction from life, a secret pleasure for the right now. Ultimately family life has to come first and never let you lover be priority.

I love making time planning and having a wonderful afternoon with my lover, an occasional drink or lunch in between - and enjoying the current moment.

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1627611 - 07 Dec, 2023 - 11:27AM

Why wouldn't you want to fall a little in love?!

Isn't that why many of us are here, to find someone with whom we can connect at a deep level, form an intimate attachment that's more than just a physical act?

Sure, sex in itself is great, but isn't it even better when you have a deep connection with your partner, have the time to find out what makes then happy - and enjoy sharing that happiness?

For myself, I've had a wonderful 2-year relationship from here that came to a natural end a few months back. We very much loved each other, but knew that the relationship had a natural timespan, that came to an end.

I'm very much hoping to find someone else to meet, find friendship, enjoy time with. And if that includes love within the context of an affair - bring it on!

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LadyDe - 07 Dec, 2023 - 09:45AM

Ooowww this is a tricky one. Myself and my IE are coming to a mutual end in the next few weeks, because sadly circumstances mean we both have too. Will it be sad, yes… will I cry, yes… will I miss him, yes…but ultimately we all come into this arrangement knowing it’s going to end, so surely that stops the love emotion.. but we can have emotion and upset and feel a loss, it doesn’t always mean we love them or fallen for them, it just means we have fallen for that person in that moment who has helped us both in a moment of time that we mutually needed it … Hope that makes sense but how I view my IE and any future ones..

Fingers crossed when I’m back next year that I’m just as lucky again, this has been amazing and perfect… Thank You IE 🫶🏼😈💋

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