Comments (175)

1408586 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 01:11PM

Anything based on suitability for raising families isn’t relevant to affairs though

I cba looking at journals. Especially not psychology ones (no offence!!) but any studies I’m sure would be small numbers and subject to bias. Feel free to pm me any large studies based on affairs and I’ll have a nosey though

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TheBoredHousewife - 25 Jul, 2023 - 12:46PM

Fredholm2ndKindIntegralEquation - 25 Jul, 2023 - 11:27AM

As Beckysharp rightly says, we don’t really have much data as to the methodology in which affair partners are chosen. Perhaps you can dig some of that out. It would certainly be more relevant than the info that really pertains to the mainstream population. It’s safe to say that the majority of those who come on IE are not looking for a life partner. We see the profiles who request for wining and dining, but in equal fashion, those who merely want a bit of company and to fill certain non-monetary voids in their lives.

1604745 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 12:35PM

Beckysharp - 25 Jul, 2023 - 08:06AM

Its been a while but i believe the suggestion based on the data was (again in general) that women face hypogamy from men. Men perceived women that demonstrate independance (e.g. solo travel, highly successful careers, well educated) to be more masculine, argumentative and likely promiscuous and as a result less suited to raising a family and staying loyal to them.

Beckysharp - 25 Jul, 2023 - 11:37AM

As for material there is actually far too much to mention... but the Journal of Psychology (which is published bi-monthly) is a good start and often has many citations/papers on related topics.

1595110 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 12:09PM

Ha, why does the review of the music executive man not surprise me. It's all about the bottom line, no taste and they conflate privilege with superiority. The song "charmless man" is a very candid portrait of that.

You've got to have a spark irl. I met some who were proper dull irl, seemed a little desperate and thought they didn't have to do much to attract interest. The Streets "fit but you know it" rung a bell. When I respectfully said thanks but no thanks I did chuckle a bit at times - one had returned few weeks after saying they don't know if the attraction is strong enough. I didn't know if they would hold my interest irl but thought I'd see. One even said the like Smooth FM, my past self would have said that's an instant ban but my open self said let's see 😂

Past and current people I've clicked with have had similar interests, varied jobs and were utterly filthy and open without thinking they're all that.

Be open and who knows what fun you will get is my approach.

1408586 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 11:37AM

Your post was interesting Fred.

I very much doubt there is much published on how people choose affair partners. Please correct me if I’m wrong would be fascinating!!

I suspect majority of affairs are from our social/work circles. It’s becoming more likely though I guess that people do go looking online for extramarital sex. Although I’m still not convinced all the data available re OLD applies to this.

It’s an interesting discussion all the same

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1604745 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 11:27AM

I supplemented your answers to the initial question in the post by Sandypops - 23 Jul, 2023 - 06:25PM which i was responding to - "Does it really matter what someone does as a job?"

My response was meant to reflect a majority sentiment, minority exceptions and outliers do not prove a rule. The isolated examples mentioned of "Execs" having a boring persona are not limited to them.

I think it is cool that some individuals look beyond a persons occupation/education, i just think that it is not representative of the majority and does not change the general experience of men who play (again in general) a much more competitive game than women when trying to attract someone.

Stats maybe "just stats" but the best way to understand the distribution of opinion is to use them and not a sole account in order to answer the question.

I try to avoid my personal opinion as i may be providing advice that does not work in the majority of cases. I just provided an answer that i felt best fits the general question.

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1529050 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 09:11AM

Fredholm2ndKindIntegralEquation - 24 Jul, 2023 - 11:15PM

Wowzers..... I honestly have no idea what my IE put down as his employment, I do not check out profiles and write someone off because he is say a builder or has an admin or programming job. I, as I have said countless times, always meet someone I feel I have a connection with, then we may chat about what we both do for a living and yes I am noble but it really really does not bother me.

Again I think on my profile it says customer service/admin - that is probably so far removed from what I acutally do but it was the nearest fit, so just poo pooing someone because they are not an executive in my opinion is pretty short sighted.

I remember meeting a top executive from a music company, he was one of the most boring characters that I had ever met, quite blunt and rude o and lets not forget the complete lie about his age..... So for me until you have that first meet I never make up my mind.

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TheBoredHousewife - 25 Jul, 2023 - 08:12AM

Fredholm2ndKindIntegralEquation - 24 Jul, 2023 - 11:15PM

I wrote what I did, because it is what I seek. A connection. I have gone on meets with men from all backgrounds - from the tradesman to the very successful C-suite individual. Each person comes with their own uniqueness. I find myself gravitating towards certain ways of virtual comms, and irl, certain personalities. My profile makes no suggestion of the educational or financial status of my potential IE, but emphasises the need to engage and get to know, and to be treated with respect.

Stats are just that. The 1% stat has been discussed ad nauseam on this site. What really matters is the person that presents in front of you. We can’t speak for anybody else but ourselves.

That is what I believe Dotty Green and myself were trying to put across in our posts. I’d like to think I’m a real woman living very much in the real world 😊

1408586 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 08:06AM

Interesting what you say about men being put off by educated women Fred.

Assuming study wasn’t commissioned by taliban 😂- sadly I can believe it. There are a lot of men who lack confidence around women (or are abusive). However as a generalisation I imagine those men also more often lack confidence sexually and wouldn’t ‘approve’ of a woman being sexual in her own right. Definitely ones to avoid on here 😉 (and as husband material obvs!).

In my social circle it’s the norm to get together at university or early in career and this means couples normally equally matched.

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1408586 - 25 Jul, 2023 - 07:45AM

Knowing someone’s occupation for me is more about knowing who I do and don’t click with. I like someone who has a ‘profession’ like an architect, accountant or lawyer. Obviously I wouldn’t expect to know that immediately but the options do give a bit of a clue, together with education level. Executives are not for me. Not to say I wouldn’t reply to a message but I just know it wouldn’t lead anywhere.

I’m trying to rationalise why I care especially for an affair… and especially when it’s so difficult to tick all the other boxes. But for some reason I do 🤷‍♀️

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