Comments (116)

justlooking111 - 05 Feb, 2025 - 11:54AM

Yes, my wife is incredible—brilliant, intuitive, and deeply thoughtful. We've shared 25 years together, filled with love, history, and connection. She confided in me about what happened, she was raw and honest. It only happened once, and she told me that night.. She said it was awful,because it wasn’t me. That hurt..
I didn’t react, didn’t lash out, just absorbed it, reflected. Six months later, she said, “It's time for you to have an affair.” I didn’t. But now? I’m ready. She knows.I believe having a clear conscience makes you even more capable of committing, of being fully present in whatever you choose. This is uncharted territory for me, but I feel ready to step into it

Delicious Chaos - 05 Feb, 2025 - 09:38AM

Pound Cake
Whilst I might not use the right words to get my point across, I’m neither being patronising or passive aggressive., I was trying to put my point across.

It was you that used the words love my wife dearly, I was making reference to that.

I will leave you be to love your wife dearly in that case 👍

PoundCakeRecipe - 04 Feb, 2025 - 10:04PM

In the immortal words of Michael Ebenazer Owuo Jr, "Aight, one more dub, then it's back to business"

You stated specific genders in both your replies, it reads as though you are comparing. The first was exclusively about men not handling things. The second was about women making choices. I'm just going by what you said.

I think you are drifting, the discussion is around what i would do as per the question. Her finding out is irrelevant.

Loving someone isn't about accepting an emasculate state. I hope you wont equally advise women to accept a beating from their drunk husband because they love them dearly... Everyone should hold onto some aspect of self respect.

...I cant tell if you are being passive aggressive and/or patronising... "my friend" your examples were aimed at gaslightning me rather than debating my answer.

You havent even tried to answer the question from your perspective, your first response was used just to criticise men. Maybe its time to say how you really feel...

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Delicious Chaos - 04 Feb, 2025 - 08:20PM

Pound cake



Not everything I say is gender based, it applies to both sexes and yes I do realise people are complex!

I’m not sure I understand your last comment, apologies for my dumbness here but my point is the words ‘ I love my (fill in the blanks) . Last time I looked if you truly love someone that much you would do nothing to hurt them, having an affair whether you manage to get away with it is fine but there is always the risk of getting caught. Would you really inflict that much pain on something you truly love when they find out?
I completely respect it my friend but come and see me when your spouse finds out and their life comes falling apart, but hey the words I love you dearly will really mean something if you’re ever in that situation . I’m sure she would be ever so grateful to hear those words 👍

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PoundCakeRecipe - 04 Feb, 2025 - 07:37PM

Delicious Chaos - 04 Feb, 2025 - 06:17PM

You insist on having a gender based debate... I don't pretend to know the motivation of others. From my perspective, if you are having an affair because you dont like/not attracted to your other half and you choose to go elsewhere it's not the same as my example, yet i refuse to judge.

I do want intimacy... so however you wish to frame it, it is 100% the case, thats just facts. The suggestion to "forego" is illogical... there are two sides to a relationship and this is not the domain of the righteous. In reality, hardly anyone would be on this site if they were truly satisfied.

Now on the "i love my wife dearly business" I think thats the internet to a T right? you dont see the other person nor have you been in their shoes, yet we hastily strike the gavel down when things dont meet our expectation.

People are complex, you dont seem to respect this. Of course i feel some guilt, what am i? a husk?... unemotional? or am I a delicious kind of chaos?

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Delicious Chaos - 04 Feb, 2025 - 06:17PM

Pound cake
There are plenty of women here who do not want intimacy with their spouse but choose it elsewhere!
It happens, don’t think you’re different to the norm.

This I love my wife dearly business, I’m sorry but if that was 100 pc the case you would forgo the sex and intimacy. How do you think she would feel if she ever found out? I wouldn’t be thinking well my husband loved me dearly! I swear some here say that to help with their guilt

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PoundCakeRecipe - 04 Feb, 2025 - 06:09PM

Delicious Chaos - 04 Feb, 2025 - 05:29PM

This is not a gender orientated argument. This is how i would feel based on my circumstances, i am quite confident some (maybe most) women would also feel the same.

What you can't see is the heartache and decades of trying to fix the only issue in my marriage (physical intimacy). Now i love my wife deeply and life is generally good but i have accepted the side of me that needs satiating will never be fulfilled by her.

I accept this and choose to selfishly fulfil my own needs outside of marriage. I dont justify my actions or pretend I am right, i do this discretely to ensure the safety of my marriage. If the above circumstance were different i would never be on here, despite what many on this site will think, i know myself.

However... How would you feel if after all the above you actually realise she is actually fine enough to warrent giving herself to someone else but not me? Too many on this site refer to ego like it is always a negative.

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Delicious Chaos - 04 Feb, 2025 - 05:29PM

Pound cake
Please explain?
There are some men in the world who are quite happy to shit in their marriage but if the wife does it first, the ego can’t quite take it

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PoundCakeRecipe - 04 Feb, 2025 - 04:25PM

I would not be here if that was the case. I would simply divorce my wife if i realised she was having an affair.

Before strangers in this forum begin to heckle... there are nuances in the rationale of being here.

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loftsurfer - 14 Nov, 2024 - 10:54AM

I had my first affair 2 years ago, but my wife has been seeing other men throughout our married life (36 years) and also while we were engaged and I was working overseas. I always wanted to remain faithful for my own integrity, but after a chance encounter led to a wonderful 18 months of discreet meetings, only now ended due to her moving to another part of the country with her husband, I miss the whole bunch of feelings and sensations and would really like to find someone else to continue the fun with.

 1 member likes this comment.